Produced by David Widger
INDEX FOR WORKS OF BILL NYE
By Bill Nye
Compiled by David Widger
CONTENTS
## REMARKS
## BALED HAY
## BILL NYE AND BOOMERANG
## BILL NYE'S CHESTNUTS OLD AND NEW
## BILL NYE'S SPARKS
## BILL NYE'S RED BOOK
COMIC HISTORY OF ENGLAND
HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES
NYE AND RILEY'S WIT AND HUMOR
A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW
BILL NYE'S CORDWOOD
TABLES OF CONTENTS OF VOLUMES
REMARKS
By BILL NYE
(Edgar W. Nye)
CONTENTS
DIRECTIONS.
ALPHABETIZED CONTENTS
My School Days.
Recollections of Noah Webster.
To Her Majesty.
Habits of a Literary Man.
A Father's Letter.
Archimedes.
To the President-Elect.
Anatomy.
Mr. Sweeney's Cat.
The Heyday of Life.
They Fell.
Second Letter to the President.
Milling in Pompeii.
Broncho Sam.
How Evolution Evolves.
Hours With Great Men.
Concerning Coroners.
Down East Rum.
Railway Etiquette.
B. Franklin, Deceased.
Life Insurance as a Health Restorer.
The Opium Habit.
More Paternal Correspondence.
Twombley's Tale.
On Cyclones.
The Arabian Language.
Verona.
A Great Upheaval.
The Weeping Woman.
The Crops.
Literary Freaks.
A Father's Advice to His Son.
Eccentricity in Lunch.
Insomnia in Domestic Animals.
Along Lake Superior.
I Tried Milling.
Our Forefathers.
In Acknowledgement.
Preventing a Scandal.
About Portraits.
The Old South.
Knights of the Pen.
The Wild Cow.
Spinal Meningitis.
Skimming the Milky Way.
A Thrilling Experience.
Catching a Buffalo.
John Adams.
The Wail Of A Wife.
Bunker Hill.
A Lumber Camp.
My Lecture Abroad.
The Miner at Home.
An Operatic Entertainment.
Dogs and Dog Days.
Christopher Columbus.
Accepting the Laramie Postoffice.
A Journalistic Tenderfoot.
The Amateur Carpenter.
The Average Hen.
Woodtick William's Story.
In Washington.
My Experience as an Agriculturist.
A New Autograph Album.
A Resign.
My Mine.
Mush and Melody.
The Blase Young Man.
History of Babylon.
Lovely Horrors.
The Bite of a Mad Dog.
Arnold Winkelreid.
Murray and the Mormons.
About Geology.
A Wallula Night.
Flying Machines.
Asking for a Pass.
Words About Washington.
The Board of Trade.
The Cow-Boy.
Stirring Incidents at a Fire.
The Little Barefoot Boy.
Favored a Higher Fine.
“I Spy.”
Mark Anthony.
Man Overbored.
“Done It A-Purpose.”
Picnic Incidents.
Nero.
Squaw Jim.
Squaw Jim's Religion.
One Kind of Fool.
John Adams' Diary.
John Adams' Diary.
John Adams' Diary
“Heap Brain.”
The Approaching Humorist.
What We Eat.
Care of House Plants.
A Peaceable Man.
Biography of Spartacus.
Concerning Book Publishing.
A Calm.
The Story of a Struggler.
The Old Subscriber.
My Dog.
A Picturesque Picnic.
Taxidermy.
The Ways of Doctors.
Absent Minded.
Woman's Wonderful Influence.
Causes for Thanksgiving.
Farming in Maine.
Doosedly Dilatory.
Every Man His Own Paper-Hanger.
Sixty Minutes in America.
Rev. Mr. Hallelujah's Hoss.
Somnambulism and Crime.
Modern Architecture.
Letter to a Communist.
The Warrior's Oration.
The Holy Terror.
Boston Common and Environs.
Drunk in a Plug Hat.
Spring.
The Duke of Rawhide.
Etiquette at Hotels.
Fifteen Years Apart.
Dessicated Mule.
Time's Changes.
Letter From New York.
Crowns and Crowned Heads.
My Physician.
All About Oratory.
Strabusmus and Justice.
A Spencerian Ass.
Anecdotes of Justice.
The Chinese God.
A Great Spiritualist.
General Sheridan's Horse.
A Circular.
The Photograph Habit.
Rosalinde.
The Church Debt.
A Collection of Keys.
Extracts from a Queen's Diary.
Shorts.
“We.”
A Mountain Snowstorm.
Lost Money.
Dr. Dizart's Dog.
Chinese Justice.
Answers to Correspondents.
Great Sacrifice of Bric-a-brac.
A Convention.
Come Back.
A New Play.
The Silver Dollar.
Polygamy as a Religious Duty.
The Newspaper.
Wrestling with the Mazy.
Anecdotes of the Stage.
George the Third.
The Cell Nest.
Parental Advice.
Early Day Justice.{2}
The Indian Orator.
You Heah Me, Sah!
Plato.
The Expensive Word.
Petticoats at the Polls.
The Sedentary Hen.
A Bright Future for Pugilism.
The Snake Indian.
Roller Skating.
No More Frontier.
A Letter of Regrets.
Venice.
She Kind of Coaxed Him.
Answering an Invitation.
Street Cars and Curiosities.
The Poor Blind Pig.
Daniel Webster.
Two Ways of Telling It.
All About Menials.
A Powerful Speech.
A Goat in a Frame.
To a Married Man.
To an Embryo Poet.
Eccentricities of Genius.
ALPHABETIZED CONTENTS
About Geology
About Geology
About Portraits
About Portraits
A Bright Future for Pugilism
A Bright Future for Pugilism
Absent Minded
Absent Minded
A Calm
A Calm
Accepting the Laramie Postoffice
Accepting the Laramie Postoffice
A Circular
A Circular
A Collection of Keys
A Collection of Keys
A Convention
A Convention
A Father's Advice to his Son
A Father's Letter
A Father's Letter
A Goat in a Frame
A Goat in a Frame
A Great Spiritualist
A Great Spiritualist
A Great Upheaval
A Great Upheaval
A Journalistic Tenderfoot
A Journalistic Tenderfoot
A Letter of Regrets
A Letter of Regrets
All About Menials
All About Menials
All About Oratory
All About Oratory
Along Lake Superior
Along Lake Superior
A Lumber Camp
A Lumber Camp
A Mountain Snowstorm
A Mountain Snowstorm
Anatomy
Anatomy
Anecdotes of Justice
Anecdotes of Justice
Anecdotes of the Stage
Anecdotes of the Stage
A New Autograph Album
A New Autograph Album
A New Play
A New Play
An Operatic Entertainment
An Operatic Entertainment
Answering an Invitation
Answering an Invitation
Answers to Correspondents
Answers to Correspondents
A Peaceable Man
A Peaceable Man
A Picturesque Picnic
A Picturesque Picnic
A Powerful Speech
A Powerful Speech
Archimedes
Archimedes
A Resign
A Resign
Arnold Winkelreid
Arnold Winkelreid
Asking for a Pass
Asking for a Pass
A Spencerian Ass
A Spencerian Ass
Astronomy
A Thrilling Experience
A Thrilling Experience
A Wallula Night
A Wallula Night
B. Franklin, Deceased
B. Franklin, Deceased
Biography of Spartacus
Biography of Spartacus
Boston Common and Environs
Boston Common and Environs
Broncho Sam
Broncho Sam
Bunker Hill
Bunker Hill
Care of House Plants
Care of House Plants
Catching a Buffalo
Catching a Buffalo
Causes for Thanksgiving
Causes for Thanksgiving
Chinese Justice
Chinese Justice
Christopher Columbus
Christopher Columbus
Come Back
Come Back
Concerning Book Publishing
Concerning Book Publishing
Concerning Coroners
Concerning Coroners
Crowns and Crowned Heads
Crowns and Crowned Heads
Daniel Webster
Daniel Webster
Dessicated Mule
Dessicated Mule
Dogs and Dog Days
Dogs and Dog Days
Doosedly Dilatory
Doosedly Dilatory
“Done It A-Purpose”
Down East Rum
Down East Rum
Dr. Dizart's Dog
Dr. Dizart's Dog
Drunk in a Plug Hat
Drunk in a Plug Hat
Early Day Justice
Eccentricities of Genius
Eccentricity in Lunch
Eccentricity in Lunch
Etiquette at Hotels
Etiquette at Hotels
Every Man His Own Paper-Hanger
Every Man His Own Paper-Hanger
Extracts from a Queen's Diary
Extracts from a Queen's Diary
Farming in Maine
Farming in Maine
Favored a Higher Fine
Favored a Higher Fine
Fifteen Years Apart
Fifteen Years Apart
Flying Machines
Flying Machines
General Sheridan's Horse
General Sheridan's Horse
George the Third
George the Third
Great Sacrifice of Bric-a-Brac
Habits of a Literary Man
Habits of a Literary Man
“Heap Brain”
History of Babylon
History of Babylon
Hours With Great Men
Hours With Great Men
How Evolution Evolves
How Evolution Evolves
In Acknowledgment
Insomnia in Domestic Animals
Insomnia in Domestic Animals
In Washington
In Washington
“I Spy”
I Tried Milling
I Tried Milling
John Adams
John Adams
John Adams' Diary
John Adams' Diary
John Adams' Diary
John Adams' Diary
John Adams' Diary, (No. 2.)
John Adams' Diary, (No. 3.)
Knights of the Pen
Knights of the Pen
Letter from New York
Letter to a Communist
Letter to a Communist
Life Insurance as a Health Restorer
Life Insurance as a Health Restorer
Literary Freaks
Literary Freaks
Lost Money
Lost Money
Lovely Horrors
Lovely Horrors
Man Overbored
Man Overbored
Mark Antony
Milling in Pompeii
Milling in Pompeii
Modern Architecture
Modern Architecture
More Paternal Correspondence
More Paternal Correspondence
Mr. Sweeney's Cat
Mr. Sweeney's Cat
Murray and the Mormons
Murray and the Mormons
Mush and Melody
Mush and Melody
My Dog
My Dog
My Experience as an Agriculturist
My Experience as an Agriculturist
My Lecture Abroad
My Lecture Abroad
My Mine
My Mine
My Physician
My Physician
My School Days
My School Days
Nero
Nero
No More Frontier
No More Frontier
On Cyclones
On Cyclones
One Kind of Fool
One Kind of Fool
Our Forefathers
Our Forefathers
Parental Advice
Parental Advice
Petticoats at the Polls
Petticoats at the Polls
Picnic Incidents
Picnic Incidents
Plato
Plato
Polygamy as a Religious Duty
Polygamy as a Religious Duty
Preventing a Scandal
Preventing a Scandal
Railway Etiquette
Railway Etiquette
Recollections of Noah Webster
Recollections of Noah Webster
Rev. Mr. Hallelujah's Hoss
Rev. Mr. Hallelujah's Hoss
Roller Skating
Roller Skating
Rosalinde
Rosalinde
Second Letter to the President
Second Letter to the President
She Kind of Coaxed Him
She Kind of Coaxed Him
Shorts
Shorts
Sixty Minutes in America
Sixty Minutes in America
Skimming the Milky Way
Skimming the Milky Way
Somnambulism and Crime
Somnambulism and Crime
Spinal Meningitis
Spinal Meningitis
Spring
Spring
Squaw Jim
Squaw Jim
Squaw Jim's Religion
Squaw Jim's Religion
Stirring Incidents at a Fire
Stirring Incidents at a Fire
Strabismus and Justice
Street Cars and Curiosities
Street Cars and Curiosities
Taxidermy
Taxidermy
The Amateur Carpenter
The Amateur Carpenter
The Approaching Humorist
The Approaching Humorist
The Arabian Language
The Arabian Language
The Average Hen
The Average Hen
The Bite of a Mad Dog
The Bite of a Mad Dog
The Blase Young Man
The Blase Young Man
The Board of Trade
The Board of Trade
The Cell Nest
The Cell Nest
The Chinese God
The Chinese God
The Church Debt
The Church Debt
The Cow Boy
The Crops
The Crops
The Duke of Rawhide
The Duke of Rawhide
The Expensive Word
The Expensive Word
The Heyday of Life
The Heyday of Life
The Holy Terror
The Holy Terror
The Indian Orator
The Indian Orator
The Little Barefoot Boy
The Little Barefoot Boy
The Miner at Home
The Miner at Home
The Newspaper
The Newspaper
The Old South
The Old South
The Old Subscriber
The Old Subscriber
The Opium Habit
The Opium Habit
The Photograph Habit
The Photograph Habit
The Poor Blind Pig
The Poor Blind Pig
The Sedentary Hen
The Sedentary Hen
The Silver Dollar
The Silver Dollar
The Snake Indian
The Snake Indian
The Story of a Struggler
The Story of a Struggler
The Wail of a Wife
The Warrior's Oration
The Warrior's Oration
The Ways of Doctors
The Ways of Doctors
The Weeping Woman
The Weeping Woman
The Wild Cow
The Wild Cow
They Fell
They Fell
Time's Changes
Time's Changes
To a Married Man
To a Married Man
To an Embryo Poet
To an Embryo Poet
To Her Majesty
To Her Majesty
To The President-Elect
Twombley's Tale
Twombley's Tale
Two Ways of Telling It
Two Ways of Telling It
Venice
Venice
Verona
Verona
“We”
What We Eat
What We Eat
Woman's Wonderful Influence
Woman's Wonderful Influence
Woodtick William's Story
Woodtick William's Story
Words About Washington
Words About Washington
Wrestling With the Mazy
“You Heah Me, Sah!”
{Illustration: WE WERE NOT ON TERMS OF INTIMACY.}
BALED HAY
By Bill Nye
A Drier Book than Walt Whitman's "Leaves o' Grass."
1884
CONTENTS
DEDICATION.
BALED HAY
GREELEY AID RUM.
ABOUT SAW MILLS.
EXPERIMENTS WITH OLD CHEESE.
THE RAG-CARPET.
ONE KIND OF A BOY.
THE CHAMPION MEAN MAN.
FRATERNAL SPARRING.
CHIPETA'S ADDRESS TO THE UTES.
BILL NYE'S CAT.
AUTUMN THOUGHTS.
THE MAN WHO INTERRUPTS.
THE ROCKY MOUKTAIN COW.
PRESERVING EGGS.
HUMAN' NATURE ON THE HALF-SHELL.
TOO CONTIGUOUS.
THE AMENDE HONORABLE.
JOAQUIN AND JUNIATA.
SOME VAGUE THOUGHTS.
THE YOUMORIST.
MY CABINET.
HEALTH FOOD.
PINES FOE HIS OLD HOME
ONE TOUCH OF NATURE.
HOW TO PUT UP A STOVE-PIPE.
FUN OF BEING A PUBLISHER.
LINGERIE.
FRUIT.
THE BONE OF CONTENTION.
CONGRATULATORY.
THE AGONY IS OVER.
OSTRICH CAVALRY.
AN ELECTRIC BELT.
THE ANNUAL WAIL
HE WAS NOT A BURGLAR.
BEST ON, BLESSED MEMORY.
GENIUS AND WHISKY.
THE TWO-HEADED GIRL
THE CULTIVATION OF GUM.
WE HAVE REASONED IT OUT.
CARVING SCHOOLS.
DIGNITY.
ALWAYS BOOM AT THE TOP.
INACCURATE.
THE WESTERN "CHAP."
AN INCIDENT OF THE CAMPAIGN.
WHY DO THEY DO IT?
TWO STYLES.
GOSHALLHEMLOCK SALVE.
THE STAGE BALD-HEAD.
FATHERLY WORDS.
THE GOOD TIME COMING.
MANIA FOR MARKING CLOTHES.
REGARDING THE NOSE.
SOMETHING TOO MUCH OF THIS.
COLOR BLINDNESS.
IS DUELING MURDER?
HEAP GONE.
THE EDITORIAL LAMP.
DIFFICULT TO IDENTIFY.
THE MAROON SAUSAGE.
TESTIMONIALS OF REGARD.
THE CHINESE COMPOSITOR
SNOWED UNDER
ROUGH ON OSCAR.
THE POSTAL CARD.
WHY WE ARE NOT GAY.
SCIENTIFIC.
THE REVELATION RACKET IN UTAH.
SAGE BRUSH TONIC.
LAME FROM HIS BERTH.
THE PUBLIC PRINTER.
SAD DESTRUCTION.
THE IMMEDIATE REVOLTER
THE SECRET OF HEALTH.
HOUSEHOLD RECIPES.
WHAT IS LITERATURE?
THE PREVIOUS HOTEL.
ANECDOTE OF SPOTTED TAIL.
THE ZEALOUS VOTER.
HOW TO PRESERVE TEETH
MR. BEECHER'S BRAIN.
OH, NO!
THE MARCH OF CIVILIZATION.
AN UNCLOUDED WELCOME.
THE PILLOW-SHAM HOLDER.
SOMETHING FRESH.
YANKED TO ETERNITY.
WHY WE SHED THE SCALDING.
ANOTHER SUGGESTION.
PISCATORIAL AND EDITORIAL
ANOTHER FEATHERED SONGSTER
ABOUT THE OSTRICH
TOO MUCH GOD AND NO FLOUR.
WE ARE GETTING CYNICAL
ASK US SOMETHING DIFFICULT.
THE MIMIC STAGE.
DECLINE OF AMERICAN HUMOR
CHICAGO CUSTOM HOUSE
FOREIGN OPINION
THEY HAVE CURBED THEIR WOE.
HUNG BY REQUEST.
THE MELVILLES.
MENDING BROKEN NECKS.
ARE YOU A MORMON?
CAUTION.
POISONS AND THEIR ANECDOTES.
CORRESPONDENCE.
WHAT THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY NEEDS.
TABLE MANNERS OF CHILDREN.
WHAT IT MEANT.
VOTERS IN UTAH.
INCONGRUITY
RIDING DOWN A MOUNTAIN.
CORRALED HIM.
FIRMNESS.
PUT IN A SUMP.
MINING AS A SCIENCE
DRAWBACKS OF ROYALTY.
ENGLISH HUMOR
ABOUT THE AUTOPSY.
DON'T LIKE OUR STYLE.
MR. T. WILSON.
ETIQUETTE OF THE NAPKIN
AN INFERNAL MACHINE.
THE CODFISH.
HIS AGED MOTHER.
BUSINESS LETTERS.
DANGER OF GARDENING.
BILL NYE AND BOOMERANG
Or, The Tale Of A Meek-Eyed Mule, And Some Other Literary Gems
By Bill Nye
1883
CONTENTS
MY MULE BOOMERANG,
THE APOLOGY.
OSTROPHE TO AN ORPHAN MULE.
A MINERS' MEETING—MY MINE—A MIRAGE ON E PLAINS.
THE TRUE STORY OF DAMON AND PYTHIAS.
CHAPTER I.
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER IV.
SAD MEMORIES OF THE DEAD YEAR.
LETTER FROM PARIS.
PREHISTORIC CROCKERY.
SUGGESTION'S FOR A SCHOOL OF JOURNALISM.
THE FRAGRANT MORMON.
RECOLLECTIONS OF THE OPERA.
A SUNNY LITTLE INCIDENT.
HE REWARDED HER.
THE MODERN PARLOR STOVE.
REMARKS TO ORIGINATORS.
QUEER
SIC SEMPER GLORIA HOUSEPLANT.
HOW TO TELL.
BIOGRAPHY OF COLOROW.
DIARY OF A SAUCY YOUNG THING.
KILLING OFF THE JAMES' BOYS.
A RELIC.
SOME REASONS WHY I CAN'T BE AN INDIAN AGENT.
THE PICNIC SNOOZER'S LAMENT.
BILLIOUS NYE AND BOOMERANG IN THE GOLD MINES.
TWO GREAT MEN.
DIRTY MURPHY.
A ROCKY MOUNTAIN SUNSET.
THE TEMPERATURE OF THE BUMBLE-BEE.
DRAWBACKS OF PUBLIC LIFE.
THE GLAD, FREE LIFE OF THE MINER.
SOME THOUGHTS OF CHILDHOOD.
THE NEW ADJUSTABLE CAMPAIGN SONG.
SITTING ON ON A VENERABLE JOKE.
A HAIRBREADTH ESCAPE.
MYSELF, DR. TALMAGE, AND OTHER DIVINES.
FINE-CUT AS A MEANS OF GRACE.
THE WEATHER AND SOME OTHER THINGS.
THE PARABLE OF THE UNJUST STEWARD.
THE PARABLE OF THE PRODIGAL SON.
THE INDIAN AND THE EVERLASTING GOSPEL.
THE MUSE.
SHOEING A BRONCO.
PUMPKIN JIM; OR THE TALE OF A BUSTED JACKASS RABBIT.
CHAPTER I.—PUMPKIN JIM.
CHAPTER II.—GERALDINE CARBOLINE O'TOOLE.
CHAPTER III.—STARTLING REVELATIONS.
CHAPTER IV.—all's well that ends well.
WILLIAM NYE AND THE HEATHEN CHINEE.
HONG LEE'S GRAND BENEFIT AT LEADVILLE.
YOU FOU.
THE LOP-EARED LOVERS OF THE LITTLE LARAMIE.
CHAPTER I.—A TALE OF LOVE AND PARENTAL CUSSEDNESS.
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER IV.
SPEECH OF SPARTACTUS.
CORRESPONDENCE.
HE WENT OUT WEST FOR HIS HEALTH.
A QUIET LITTLE WEDDING WITHOUT ANY FRILLS
THOUGHTS ON SPRING
THE SAME OLD THING.
THE VETERAN WHO DIED WHILE GETTING HIS PENSION.
GINGERBREAD POEMS AND COLD PICKLED FACTS.
ORIGIN OF BEAUTIFUL SNOW,
UTE ELOQUENCE.
THE AGED INDIAN'S LAMENT.
HOW A MINING STAMPEDE BREAKS OUT.
THE GREAT ROCKY MOUNTAIN REUNION OF YALLER DOGS.
WHAT WOMAN'S SUFFRAGE HAS DONE FOR WYOMING.
PORTUGUESE WITHOUT A MASTER.
THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN HOG.
THE BUCKNESS WHEREWITH THE BUCK BEER BUCKETH.
BILLIOUS NYE AND THE AMATEUR STAGE.
A JOURNALISTIC CORRECTION.
THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE.
A UTE PRESIDENTIAL CONVENTION.
THE CLUB-FOOTED LOVER OF PIUTE PASS.
CHAPTER THE FIRST.
CHAPTER THE TWICE.
CHAPTER THREE TIMES.
CHAPTER FOUR TIMES.
THE AUTOMATIC LIAR
SOME POSTOFFICE FIENDS.
AGRICULTURE AT AN ALTITUDE OF 7500 FEET.
THE GENTLE YOUTH FROM LEADVILLE.
A SNIDE JOURNALIST.
HE WAS BLIND.
THOUGHTS OF THE MELLOW PREVIOUSLY.
MY TOMBSTONE MINE.
BANKRUPT SALE OF A CIRCUS.
GREELEY VERSUS VALLEY TAN.
THE ETERNAL FITNESS OF THINGS.
THEY UNANIMOUSLY AROSE AND HUNG HIM.
RHETORIC VS. WOODTICK.
THE MODEL WIFE.
SOME OVERLAND TOURISTS.
CATCHING MOUNTAIN TROUT AT AN ELEVATION OF 8000 FEET.
TROUT FISHING.
HOME-MADE INDIAN RELICS.
THE PREVIOUS REPORTER.
THE PEACE COMMISSION.
SOME ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.
THE CROW INDIAN AND HIS CAWS.
THE NUPTIALS OP DANGEROUS DAVIS.
THE HOLIDAY HOG.
SOME CENSUS CONUNDRUMS.
THE GENTLE POWER OF A WOMAN'S INFLUENCE.
THE NATIVE INBORN SHIFTLESSNESS OF THE PRAIRIE DOGS.
ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.
THE SECRET OF GARFIELD'S ELECTION.
PERILS OF THE BUTTERNUT PICKER.
A WORD OR TWO ABOUT THE SWALLOW.
LAUGHING SAM.
THE CALAMITY JANE CONSOLIDATED.
THE NOCTURNAL COW.
THE RELENTLESS GARDEN HOSE.
A WAIL.
THE GREAT, HORRID MAN RECEIVETH NEW YEAR CALLS.
JUST THE THING.
THANKS.
AN ANTI-MORMON TOWN.
A CHRISTMAS RIDE IN JULY.
EXAMINING THE BRAND ON A FROZEN STEER.
ONION PEELIN'S.
BILL NYE'S CHESTNUTS OLD AND NEW
With New Illustrations From Original Sketches, Photographs, Memoranda, and Authentic Sources, by Williams, Opper, and Hopkins.
By Bill Nye
1888
CONTENTS
CHESTNUTS OLD AND NEW.
CHESTNUT-BURR. I.—THE SHAKESPEARE-BACON PUZZLE WRESTLED WITH CONSCIENTIOUSLY.
CHESTNUT-BURR II—HOW THE GLORIOUS FOURTH WAS CELEBRATED AT WHALEN'S GROVE LAST YEAR.
ENCOURAGING GREEN JOKES.
CHESTNUT-BURR III—BILL NYE FINDS COLOROW FULL OF ODD TRAITS.
AWKWARDNESS OF CARRYING WHISKY ABOUT.
THE RIGHT SORT OF BOY.
CHESTNUT-BURR IV—BILL NYE PAYS A BRIEF VISIT TO A PROFESSIONAL STAR READER.
INGRATITUDE OF THE HUMAN HEART.
CHESTNUT-BURR V—CONCERNING THE FRENCH MASTERPIECES AT THE ACADEMY OF DESIGN.
CHESTNUT-BURR VI—BILL NYE DIAGNOSTICATES THE PLAINT OF A COUNTRY COUSIN.
MEN ARE OFTEN MISUNDERSTOOD.
CHESTNUT-BURR VII—BILL NYE IN THE ROLE OF AN UTE INDIAN JENKINS.
SURE CURE FOR BILIOUSNESS.
CHESTNUT-BURR VIII—IN AN UNGUARDED MOMENT BILL NYE IS CAPTURED BY A POLITICAL SIREN.
VIRTUE ITS OWN REWARD.
CHESTNUT-BURR IX—BILL NYE DESCANTS UPON YOUNG IVES'S IDEAS IN FINANCE.
THE ANTI-CLINKER BASE-BURNER BEE.
CHESTNUT-BURR X—A FEW REMARKS ON OUR HOSTELRY SYSTEM AS IT NOW PREVAILS.
PITY FOR SAD-EYED HUSBANDS.
MARRIAGE.
CHESTNUT-BURR XI—WILLIAM NYE VISITS ROYALTY FROM THE HOME OF THE HAM SANDWICH.
THAI X DID MOT DU'
A WORD OF EXPLANATION.
CHESTNUT-BURR—THE HUMORIST INTERVIEWS HIS GRACE THE DUKE IN THE IMPROVED STYLE.
THE CHINESE COMPOSITOR.
THE TRUE AMERICAN.
CHESTNUT-BURR—XII "THE OLD MAN ELOQUENT."
CHESTNUT-BURR XIV—THE AMENDE HONORABLE.
SWEET INFLUENCES OF CHANGING SEASONS.
THE MARCH OF CIVILIZATION.
CHESTNUT-BURR. XV—A BIG CORNER ON PORK.
CHESTNUT-BURR XVI-PATRICK OLESON.
PLEASURES OF SPRING.
AN UNCLOUDED WELCOME.
TOO MUCH GOD AND NO FLOUR.
CHESTNUT-BURR. XVII—LONGING FOR HOME.
DIGNITY.
CHESTNUT-BURR XVIII—THE TRUE HISTORY OF DAMON AND PYTHIAS.
CHAPTER I.
CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER IV.
CHESTNUT-BURR XIX—A STORY OF SPOTTED TAIL.
CHESTNUT-BURR XX—THE ROMANCE OF HORSE-SHOEING.
HOW TO PRESERVE TEETH.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXI—EXPERIENCE ON THE FEVERISH HORNET.
THE PICNIC PLANT.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXII—ANCIENT BRIC-A-BRAC
JOINT POWDER.
CHESTNUT-BURR XIII—THE TWO-HEADED GIRL.
OUR COMPLIMENTS.
CHESTNUT-BURR XIV—A PATHETIC EPISODE IN NORTHERN WISCONSIN.
THE SECRET OF HEALTH.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXV—BILL NYE ESSAYS A NOVELETTE.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXVI—THE DAUGHTER OF BOB TAIL FLUSH.
LOAFING AROUND HOME.
THE PLUMAGE OF THE OSTRICH.
SOME EARNEST THOUGHTS.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXVII—OUR GREAT NATIONAL MOTTO.
A GRAVE QUESTION.
THOUGHTS.
CHESTNUT-BURR XVIII—BILL NYE AT A TOURNAMENT.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXIX—A SOCIAL CURSE—THE MAN WHO INTERRUPTS.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXX—A DISCOURSE ON CATS.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXXI—THE GREAT ORATION OF SPARTACUS.
CHESTNUT-BURR—WOMAN'S SUFFRAGE IN WYOMING.
PIGEON-TOED PETE.
CHESTNUT-BURR—CONCERNING THE SWALLOW.
THE HAPPY CODFISH.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXXIV—A NOVEL WAY OF MARKING CLOTHES.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXXV—THE UNHAPPY HUMORIST.
LARAMIE'S HANDKERCHIEF.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXXVI—THE SODA LAKES OF WYOMING.
THE COSTLY WATERMELON.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXXVII—VIEWS OF CHICAGO.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXXVIII—A SCHOOL OF JOURNALISM.
MODERN FICTION IS UNRELIABLE.
CHESTNUT-BURR XXXIX—SOME FACTS OF SCIENCE.
CHESTNUT-BURR XL—SORROWS OF A ONE-LEGGED MAN.
THE TRUE POET LOVES SECLUSION.
CHESTNUT-BURR XLI—REVELATION IN UTAH.
THE MODEL SLEEPING-CAR.
CHESTNUT-BURR XLII—THE TONGUE-DESTROYING FRENCH LANGUAGE.
CARVING SCHOOLS.
CHESTNUT-BURR XLIV—ONE TOUCH OF NATURE.
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE REVOLVER DIFFICULTY.
THE FEMALE ARTISTE.
CHESTNUT-BURR XLV—FUN OF BEING A PUBLISHER.
A LESSON FROM THE MULE.
CHESTNUT-BURR XLVI—PERFORMANCE OF THE PHOENIX.
FIRMNESS.
PUGILIST OR STATESMAN.
CHESTNUT-BURR NYE AS A CRITIC AND NYE AS A POET.
POEMS BY BILL NYE
APOSTROPHE TO AN ORPHAN MULE.=
ODE TO SPRING.
FANTASIA FOR THE BASS DRUM; ADAPTED FROM THE GERMAN BY WILLIAM VON NYE.=
THE PICNIC SNOOZER'S LAMENT.=
ODE TO THE CUCUMBER.=
APOSTROPHE ADDRESSED TO O. WILDE.=
ADJUSTABLE CAMPAIGN SONG.=
THE BEAUTIFUL SNOW.=
THE TRUE TALE OF WILLIAM TELL.
WHY WE WEEP.
ETIQUETTE FOR THE YOUNG.
SWEET SAINT VALENTINE.
CARRYING REVOLVERS.
THE AGITATED HEN.
BANKRUPT SALE OF LITERARY GEMS.
OFFICE OF THE MORMAN BAZOO.
HINTS ON LETTER-WRITING.
SUDDEN FAME.
THE ENGLISH JOKE.
BILL NYE'S SPARKS
By Edgar Wilson Nye (Bill Nye)
1896
CONTENTS
BIOGRAPHICAL
BILL NYE'S SPARKS
REQUESTING A REMITTANCE
A PATENT ORATORICAL STEAM ORGANETTE FOR RAILWAY STUMPING
VERITAS
THE DRUG BUSINESS IN KANSAS
THE PERILS OF IDENTIFICATION
A FATHER'S LETTER
IN THE SOUTH
IN THE PARK
LIBERTY ENLIGHTENING THE WORLD.
HE SEES THE CAPITAL
HE SEES THE NAVY
MORE ABOUT WASHINGTON
A GREAT BENEFACTOR
THE COUPON LETTER OF INTRODUCTION
HOW TO TEACH JOURNALISM
THE GREAT WESTERN CLAIRVOYANT,
HIS GARDEN
WRITTEN TO THE BOY
ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS
THE FARMER AND THE TARIFF.
A CONVENTIONAL SPEECH
A PLEA FOR ONE IN ADVERSITY
THE RHUBARB-PIE
A COUNTRY FIRE
BIG STEVE
SPEECH OF RED SHIRT, THE FIGHTING CHIEF OF THE SIOUX NATION
TO THE POOR SHINNECOCK
WEBSTER AND HIS GREAT BOOK
BILL NYE'S RED BOOK
By Edgar Wilson Nye
Illustrated by J. H. Smith
1891
CONTENTS
BILL NYE'S RED BOOK
MY SCHOOL DAYS.
RECOLLECTIONS OF NOAH WEBSTER.
TO HER MAJESTY.
HABITS OF A LITERARY MAN.
A FATHER'S LETTER.
ARCHIMEDES.
TO THE PRESIDENT ELECT.
ANATOMY.
MR. SWEENEY'S CAT.
THE HEYDAY OF LIFE.
THEY FELL.
SECOND LETTER TO THE PRESIDENT.
MILLING IN POMPEII.
BRONCHO SAM.
HOW EVOLUTION EVOLVES.
HOURS WITH GREAT MEN.
CONCERNING CORONERS.
DOWN EAST RUM.
RAILWAY ETIQUETTE.
B. FRANKLIN, DECEASED.
LIFE INSURANCE AS A HEALTH RESTORER.
THE OPIUM HABIT.
MORE PATERNAL CORRESPONDENCE.
TWOMBLEY'S TALE.
ON CYCLONES.
THE ARABIAN LANGUAGE.
VERONA.
THE WEEPING WOMAN.
THE CROPS.
LITERARY FREAKS.
A FATHER'S ADVICE TO HIS SON.
ECCENTRICITY IN LUNCH.
INSOMNIA IN DOMESTIC ANIMALS.
ALONG LAKE SUPERIOR.
I TRIED MILLING.
OUR FOREFATHERS.
IN ACKNOWLEDGMENT.
PREVENTING A SCANDAL.
ABOUT PORTRAITS.
THE OLD SOUTH.
KNIGHTS OF THE PEN.
THE WILD COW.
SPINAL MENINGITIS.
SKIMMING THE MILKY WAY.
A THRILLING EXPERIENCE.
CATCHING A BUFFALO.
JOHN ADAMS.
THE WAIL OF A WIFE.
BUNKER HILL.
A LUMBER CAMP.
MY LECTURE ABROAD.
THE MINER AT HOME.
AN OPERATIC ENTERTAINMENT.
DOGS AND DOG DAYS.
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS.
ACCEPTING THE LARAMIE POSTOFFICE.
A JOURNALISTIC TENDERFOOT.
THE AMATEUR CARPENTER.
THE AVERAGE HEN.
WOODTICK WILLIAM'S STORY.
IN WASHINGTON.
MY EXPERIENCE AS AN AGRICULTURIST.
A NEW AUTOGRAPH ALBUM.
A RESIGN.
MY MINE.
MUSH AND MELODY.
THE BLASE YOUNG MAN.
HISTORY OF BABYLON.
LOVELY HORRORS.
THE BITE OF A MAD DOG.
